I’m a solid fan of not taking antibiotics unless you need them because I fucking FEAR shit like this… and then… this shit is happening… 

I took my daughter to get her ingrown toenails removed because it’s been bad, they’ve been infected more times than I care to remember and she’s not even three yet. 

Doc: We’re going to remove the sides of her toenail to *hopefully* permanently remove the ingrown, deal with it now so she won’t have further issues. But we have to do it at the hospital, so she can be sedated because she’s two and won’t sit still for numbing shots and me digging around in her toe. 

Me: okay makes sense… no antibiotics, sterile environment, okay fine. 

@3 days post-op (over the weekend)

ME: it’s looking pretty gnarly… *sends pictures and email* she says it hurts. *thinking – I should probably just take her in.*

Doc: no, pictures are a little cutoff, but that looks normal. keep soaking 2xday and bandages. We’re slammed in here so won’t be able to see her until March anyways. 

ME: okay. *follows directions*

*background* – I sent pictures of a rash to her pediatrician when she was 5 months old. We went in the next day and she showed me how those pictures came across on their side. They were warped, distorted and blurry. She said the best thing to do when sending pictures from phones was to take as many close-up pictures as possible and send them together so they could compare to get a good idea of what was going on, think of it like putting the puzzle pieces together. So that’s where my brain went when I got the response from this doctor, Oh, it’s not coming through clearly. He literally cannot CLEARLY see how infected this shit is. *takes more pictures*

@ 5 days…

ME: *sends pictures* are you sure doc, this looks pretty bad and while she whines a lot she’s a bit of a spartan in handling pain and still saying OUCHIE soooo…

Doc: Nope still good. follow up with more pictures at 7 -10 days

ME: *calls the office* explains that she is complaining of pain

Office nurse: that’s normal, it hurts, Tylenol and soaking, any walk-in doc will think it’s infected and give her antibiotics she doesn’t even need. 

ME: okay, if I’m overreacting then fine… okay… this is okay *FEELS LIKE ROOM IS ON FIRE* 

@7 days

ME: HEY DOC HERE ARE MORE PICTURES… This is bad, should I be taking her to walk-in if you’re too busy to see her?

Doc office: *calls me* you might be soaking it too much it looks pretty wet, let’s try to keep it dry at night.

ME: okay… *Follows directions with a sinking feeling in the pit of my gut* 

… we went back and forth like this where I would send pictures and follow up with a call saying “I think this is infected, I’m not trying to push for antibiotics for nothing but this seriously looks like it NEEDS antibiotics”… and got a trivial “let’s try this” as a response. more soaking, less soaking, more dry, less bandaging, until finally my response was essentially FUCK YOU ALL I’M TAKING HER IN…

@Day 10 

walk-in doctor: *as she is walking in* I saw the emails you sent this doctor and I have some choice words for him. those are some seriously infected toes …

*Going through the steps to swab her feet* “I’m giving her an antibiotic and will call you if I find something stronger growing here… it will probably be something stronger so be prepared to answer your phone” as I internally FREAK THE FUCK OUT

@Day 11

Low and behold she called while I was in my doctor’s appointment for my own illness (ear infection with sinus issues), I missed the call, so she called my husband. 

Fun side-story, when your husband isn’t expecting a call from a hospital while in BFE doing fieldwork and they asked, “Are you the father of XXXX? Can you verify her date of birth?” it’s a quick way to give him an immediate anxiety attack. ANYWAYS. He talks with the walk-in doc about what is going on and basically, she should’ve had antibiotics coming out of the hospital. Yes, surgery was sterile but it’s a breeding ground of gross shit and I should have trusted my gut. 

The current plan is that she is on the strongest antibiotic they can prescribe for at home since the STRONGEST one tastes like gasoline, so they have to give that one via IV. So if she is not showing massive signs of improvement within 72 hours we have to take her to the ER to be admitted for said IV drugs. It’s cool… I’m totally fine, this isn’t something that is going to throw our family’s routine or life totally out of whack at all. 

However: We are LUCKY enough to have medical coverage AND coverage through the state we live in due to her pre-existing conditions (until she is a certain age). My husband is at a level in his company where he can make arrangements with work to take the week off or work from home. I work from home with a flexible job where I could work from the hospital room if needed. We are LUCKY to be in this position. Many others in our country are not. Many others would question going into walk-in simply because of the copay being more than they could afford that week. Most of us have been there and could easily be there again depending on various factors. So I am very grateful that I could take her into the walk-in clinic during my very fuck-you-to-that-one-doctor moment. 

But all I can think is – FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK 

I AM SO FUCKING LIVID 

I’m mad at the doctor for brushing it off, but I’m madder at myself for not trusting my gut. I work from home with a VERY flexible job. I could’ve taken her in at any time. ANY FUCKING TIME. I could’ve caught this earlier. Could it have been avoided? I have zero clues and frankly, I’m too scared to google search it. 

My point is, trust your gut when something seems off …

And get antibiotics when leaving the hospital …